I do my best to prepare for speeches, and it's a challenge to compress all my points into something long enough to be interesting, but short enough so the audience won't fall asleep.(clears throat) At my last engagement I talked too long, and someone threatened to cut it. I won't speak for long on account of my throat.Those who agree with it think it over, and those who don't are glad it is over." Biddle once said, "A political speech pleases all.
Unfortunately, I left it in my other pants.
People say I'm a great speaker - in fact, they say I'm blessed with a golden tongue. It's his job to let you know that the entertaining part of the evening is now over. The person who introduces a speaker has a tough job. (After an introduction) Thank you for that kind introduction. (After a lengthy or flattering introduction) After such a warm, generous introduction, I can only say thank you and I think you must have gotten the wrong guy. (After a lengthy or flattering introduction) After that introduction, I just can't wait to hear what I'm going to say. Sometimes orators confuse the seating capacit of an auditorium with the sitting capacity of the audience. I can say that because when I make a speech, as soon as I sit down, people say it was the best thing I've ever done. I'd rather be eating cake right now too rather than listening to some boring speech. (If speaking while people are eating) Please go ahead and keep eating while I'm speaking. My speech will be like the latest fashion: long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting. Raymond Duncan once said, "If the speaker won't boil it down, the audience must sweat it out.". A key note speaker is someone who is supposed to offer a few words and doesn't know when to stop. Do you know the definition of an after dinner speaker? Someone who has been asked to say a few words and says too many. (If someone is taking photos in front) Wow, even here I can't escape the paparazzi. The challenge is for me to finish my job before you have finished yours. My job is to talk and yours is to listen. After all, it's said that most speakers need no introduction. Being a good keynote speaker is the art of saying nothing briefly. As the little schoolgirl wrote, "Socrates was a wise, Greek philosopher who walked around giving advice to people. I always try to avoid giving advice during my remarks. BEST JOKES FOR DINNER SPEAKER FULL
(When addressing a small crowd or low attendance) Well, the we may have a few empty seats, but its better for a full speaker to address a vacant hall than a vacant speaker talking to a full hall. (When addressing a small crowd or low attendance) This must be a wealthy crowd. (For a roast) My friends: I know you too well to call you ladies and gentlemen. I hope you enjoyed my speech and if you did not, I hope you had a good nap. Hopefully that will be because you're interested, not because you're trying to get up the nerve to leave. I hope my speech will keep you on the edge of your seats. They say its best to leave your audience before your audience leaves you. You pick up the reward at the Bounty hunter's office." The sheriff replied, "You're in the wrong place. "I just killed a keynote speaker," he said. Afterwards, he went to the sheriff's office and confessed. I remember the story of a man who shot a long-winded speaker. I always try to keep my remarks short. I don't know how well I can do on the first two, so I'll try to achieve the third. A good speech should be like a comet: Dazzling, eye-opening and over before you know it. The only good after dinner speech is when someone turns to you and says, "You leave the dishes.